It's Time We Found Out

It is becoming increasingly apparent that a significant number of our representatives in Washington are working for someone other than their constituents back home. I don’t know who is buying members of Congress, or how much they cost, but someone has outbid us. Someone, it would seem, is willing to pay a great deal more for their services than we are.

Now I know we could call the behavior of these “public servants” shocking, reprehensible and treacherous, for it most certainly is, but perhaps we just need to suck it up and face reality. Perhaps we’re just going to have to try to buy these slippery, double-crossing charlatans back.

Without question a venture of this kind will be costly--both in time and money. No one is disputing that. But in the long run it may turn out to be a whole lot cheaper to purchase back these turncoats, and put them to work for us again, than to have things remain as they are now.

So here is my proposal. Maybe some of you will have a better idea, but this is mine: In order to acquire the necessary funds, we could initiate state-wide fund raisers in every city--large and small. Well, why not? There are any number of ways to pick up a loose quarter here and a spare dime there. For example, we could put people out on busy street corners, like the Salvation Army does at Christmastime, with signs that read: “Please help us buy back Senator Harry Reid!” Additionally, families could forego a vacation and donate the money they saved, or women could take in laundry. And kids--even small ones--could get after-school jobs. We could then take the funds generated from these various endeavors, pool them, and use the proceeds to buy back our representatives in Washington.

Okay, I know what you’re thinking. Taking on a task of this nature and magnitude will involve making painful sacrifices and bearing countless hardships. But again, I ask you. Will these sacrifices and hardships be any greater than the ones we now are enduring, and will go on enduring, if our government officials continue to work against us instead of for us?

I say let’s stop grumbling and get this disagreeable but necessary project underway. We’ve got work to do, friends. So don’t delay! Don’t hesitate! Break the news to your family that Disneyland is out of the question this year, stock up on more laundry detergent, and find the kids’ social security cards.

It’s time we found out once and for all what U.S. Senators are selling for in today’s market.

“Behind the ostensible government sits enthroned an invisible government owing no allegiance and acknowledging no responsibility to the people. To destroy this invisible government, to befoul the unholy alliance between corrupt business and corrupt politics is the first task of the statesmanship of the day.” --Theodore Roosevelt, April 19, 1906